


Leave the Blades to the Striders

by wolfpaw



Series: Coping [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Sadstuck, chapters get longer as it progresses, it gets happier i promise, okay so maybe it doesn't get that much happier but there are some happy-ish parts, trigger warning: self harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-13
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-08 07:46:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 21,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/758864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfpaw/pseuds/wolfpaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While on the ship for three long years, John's mind strays to dark things. He slowly slips into depression and starts on the downward slope of self harm.</p><p>aka this fic was a shitty idea and i apologize to everyone who's time i wasted with this.</p><p>[abandoned]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tilting

**Author's Note:**

> i couldn't write a good summary if my life depended on it.. anyways! i haven't written anything in years and was suddenly inspired. i hope that this turns out well. the first few chapters or so won't have bro in them, but he'll come in later. i promise, heh. i guess this counts as sadstuck too? but, yeah, any feedback would be lovely. if you notice any major spelling or grammatical errors, feel free to point them out to me. thanks!

You're staring at the floor again. Not really seeing the panels in front of you as the past year and a half plays through your mind over and over like a video stuck on repeat. Jade is somewhere with Davesprite and the others are, in all honesty, not interesting enough to hang around. The well of conversation topics ran dry long ago, leaving you to your thoughts. Which have recently been getting darker and darker. Your name is John Egbert and you're on the edge of a slippery slope. You pull your knees to your chest and curving your back slightly as you lean forward over them. You continue thinking yourself into a bad mood. This time around, the deaths of family and friends are weighing heavily on your mind. You can't help but blame yourself for a lot of it. If only you'd been there. If only you'd tried harder. You know somewhere in the back of your mind that it's foolish to believe those thoughts when in reality, things were not in your control. A shaky sigh escapes your lips as you lean back against the wall and press your fists into your eyes. Things weren't supposed to feel this way. They shouldn't be this way. Only another year and a half was left before the group on the ship was supposed to reach their destination. Only a year and a half until the big final battle. You wish you could talk to Dave. Or your Dad. The memory of your father pops into your mind. Crisp, clean clothes, tie always straight, hair neatly styled with his ever present fedora on top. His smile was big and bright. It was also contagious and you find yourself smiling as well. Until the image of him laying with blood pooled around himself burns through the happy memory, that is. Tears spring to your eyes and you take off your glasses to wipe them away before they fall.  _"Bark!"_   Startled from your thoughts, you look around quickly before you realize that it was from a little ways off. You wipe the rest of the tears from your eyes and place your glasses back on your face.  _"Bark bark!!"_   This time it comes from just around the corner of the hall you've been sitting in.  Jade bursts into sight right after you stand up shakily and almost runs right past you before she notices you. 

"John!!" She yelps as she grabs your wrists. Her tail wags furiously and an excited smile sets onto her face. "I've been looking for yo.." She stops, smile vanishing as she notices that your eyes are red and slightly puffy.  Before she can say anything, you put on one of your big smiles. Laughing a little you poke one of the canine ears atop her head.  "Your fur gets everywhere, including my eyes."  You smile even bigger, your front teeth sticking out over your lip a little, and Jade's smile returns. She turns, still holding your wrist, and starts pulling you towards the way she came from.  Her chattering starts up, filling the halls with excited yelps and shouting, and you tune it out as she leads you towards the main room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! again, feedback is very much appreciated. if i don't post another chapter soon, feel free to yell at me to get my ass in gear and write more. you can do that here --> kn1ght-0f-d00m.tumblr.com


	2. Downward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy 4/13 everyone!

It's been a few days. You think it's been a few days anyway.  Time feels strange on this journey. _It probably feels so screwed up because you sleep almost all of the time._   You flinch a little at the words.  How long has it been since you started thinking this way about yourself?  _Really couldn't say._   You roll to the edge of your bed and grab the grey pillow from the floor. It must have fallen while you were sleeping. _Always, always sleeping.._   You tuck the uncomfortable lump of what's supposed to be a pillow under your head and drift back to sleep.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

_"John."_

_"John!"  
_

_  
_"John!! Wake the fuck up!!!"

You wake with a jolt and see Jade sitting on the edge of your bed.  A look of distress contorting her face for a moment before relief washes it away as you reach for your glasses.  Her ears perk up just a little and she gives you a strange look.  "John,"  She fidgets with the hem of her skirt. "No one's seen you at all for like a week."  You wait until you're sure that you aren't asleep anymore to answer her. As you wait, you notice something is off about Jade. A closer look shows that her face looks tired and everything about her seems to be worn down a little.

"Sorry about that, Jade."  You try to make her smile with one of your own.  "I guess I've just been super tired."   Instead of smiling back, Jade gives you another odd look.

"Let's go watch a movie." She grabs your arm and starts trying to pull you out of bed. "It is your birthday after all..."  She lets go of your arm as you move to stretch lazily.  _Oh yeah. Your Birthday._   Was it that time already? You shake your head and continue stretching.  _Your Birthday. You really do sleep too much lately. Almost missed it._   Finally crawling out of bed, you grab your god tier hoodie and pull it on, careful not to knock your glasses askew as it goes over your head.  Jade follows you as you head downstairs to your living room. 

"What should we watch?" Jade asks as you reach the living room of your house. 

"Con Air!"  You haven't seen it in _forever_ and it's your _favorite_ movie _ever_. Plus you wanted Jade to watch it with you on your Birthday to make the day even better.  You grab the video and pop it in before settling on the couch next to Jade. There are salamanders and an imp or two all around the both of you along with multiple cakes.  The movie only plays for an hour before you can't take any more of it. You growl to yourself, and lean your head back on the couch. 

"Jade. I just realized something."

"What is that, John?"  She glances at you for a moment before her eyes return to the screen.

You grimace, "Con Air fucking _suck_ _s!_ '" 

"What the hell?!" Jade turns to you with shock clear on her face. "Seriously? What the fuck, John?" She's standing now, looking down at you and shaking a little.  "I thought you loved this movie. You were going on and on not too long ago about watching it with me on your Birthday, and now you suddenly don't like it??"

The frown on your face deepens. "I thought I did too, but I'm realizing now that it's _really_ stupid!"  Before Jade has a chance to argue why it is not stupid at all and is in fact charming in it's own way, you notice one of Davesprite's feathers.  And by notice, you mean that it stabbed you in the flesh of your ass to get your attention.

"Hey, why didn't Davesprite come watch the movie with us?"  You realize it may not have been best to ask when Jade's face suddenly looks more tired than before and her dog ears droop.  She sits back down and looks down at her hands in her lap, taking a deep breath before speaking.

"He didn't come because he broke up with me."  She looks back up at you with a small smile on her face.  "It's okay though." Jade's smile disappears despite her claim that she's fine with it as she seems to fall into deep thinking.  You jump up, extremely unhappy that that feathery asshole would do something so terrible to your ecto-sister.  

"It's not okay! And I'm going to say something to him about this!"  You turn to leave and Jade stops you. She plucks something from your back and hands it to you.

_"my darling son_

_if you are reading this it means you_

_finally came to your senses on a way_

_shitty movie. by realizing cage sucks_

_you have taken your first and biggest_

_step toward not being a total_

_embarrassment to the egbert family_

_name. speaking of which you might_

_want to crack into one of my metric_

_fucking tons of shaving cream i have_

_for some reason and bust -- OVER"  
_

_  
_"God dammit.." The card reeks of orange feathery douche.

_"that nigh invisible teen stache_

_before it starts to become a_

_problem. egbert men don't cotton to  
_

_whiskers as you know good and god  
_

_damn well. i didn't bust my fatherly  
_

_ass to raise no bigfoot. i'm proud as  
_

_shit youre my son or whatever. next  
_

_stop: figuring out mcconaughey is  
_

_trash. you can do it junior."  
_

_  
_"Fucking Strider!" You crumple the note violently. _How dare he pose as your dead father?!_   That shit is not going to go unpunished if you have anything to do about it.  Images of your father fill your mind, creeping in around your growing rage and centering on the memory of when you came upon his corpse.  You storm to the door. 

"Where are you going?" Jade has followed you over a little.

"I'm going to kick his fucking ass!" You yell back at her, not noticing when she winces at the loud tone.  Bursting through the door, you run to the edge of your driveway and scream profanities and insults into the sky. You're positive you can see his smug face staring at you and it only fuels your anger.

Jade had followed you out and is standing a little ways behind you. "John... There's no one there."

"He is there! He's probably just using some stupid sprite magic so only I can see him. "  You give a frustrated sigh, sinking to the ground, suddenly tired as all the fight drains out of you.  "Ugh, who cares anyway."  You lay on your back and cover your face with your hands. "Who cares about anything..." 

"John." Jade moves closer to stand beside you. "John, you're throwing a tantrum."  You don't hear her though, as you have fallen asleep.


	3. Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo, this is where the self harm stuff starts. i really don't want anyone to be triggered, so if you think it might trigger you, please, please, please just don't read this chapter. i couldn't stand it if i caused anything bad. so, yeah.

_Shit that is a fucking lot of blood._  

Red slides down your arm and you're shaking like a leaf in autumn.  You'd dropped the blade as soon as more had welled up than expected.  Now it was dripping onto the floor by your bed.  In a few minutes the sting was going away slowly and you notice the blood starting to slow as well.  Leaning over, you snatch the blade from the floor and examine it.  It was still sharp, having been taken from a new razor meant for shaving only half an hour before.  You tilt it one way and another. The light from your lamp reflects from it onto the wall and you stare at it through tear filled eyes.  The blood had completely stopped and the pain was now too dull to feel.  You find yourself wanting to do it again.  The trembling starts back up when you put the razor to your arm.  Several more dark oozing lines are added alongside the first before you feel somewhat calm and emotionless. 

_Fuck, Egbert.  Don't make this a habit. As much as you deserve this shit you still have to be around to try when the three years are up. Don't let more people down._

You set about cleaning up the floor and your arm. There are few stray drops that landed on your bed but you can feel your energy fading fast and don't bother trying to clean them.  It's exhausting to even stand but you force yourself up and trudge to the bathroom to find bandages.  It stings when you wrap the gauze around your wrist but you just bite your lip and continue patching yourself up.

Before you crawl into bed once again, you look at the handmade calendar hanging on the back of your door.  Four months had passed since your birthday and all the shit that had gone down that day. Jade seemed to be avoiding you and you'd seen neither tail nor feather of Davesprite.  _Not that it matters, though.  Why would they want to be around me anyway?_   You let the usual chastising commence as you curl up in bed.  These thoughts were so normal now. It was normal to feel empty and alone. You used to wonder if it would ever go away and you could be happy again. The light at the end had gotten duller and shrunk over time, though, it was nearly gone now.  You can't remember what being happy feels like.  Of course, you remember being happy. It's the emotion that you no longer know.  

The final battle weighs heavily on your mind right before you fall asleep yet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was hard to write, honestly. i'm sorry, john baby, i promise things will get better soon! also, i noticed i'm ending all the chapters with him falling asleep.. but that's just a good stopping point so sshhhhh >.>


	4. Stagnant

He hasn't left that room since he found out about the special screen. Glued to it like watching would change their fates.  You open the door to his room and peek in. As expected, he's still sitting in front of the large tv on the far end of the wall.  From the way he's leaned forward you can tell that he's asleep. Shaking your head, you pull the door shut and take a sip of the drink in your hand. You'd think dying would have stopped your drinking.  Well, it did stop it for a little while. But as soon as you'd found out about the screens and had your share of watching, it was back to the bottle for you. The first thing you'd seen was your Rose, her skin somehow a dark grey, laying along with John by yours and Dad's corpses. You turned it off right after seeing that.  Bro had told you that you should have kept watching, but there was no way you'd be able to watch again for a long time.  Misplaced, drunken footsteps sound through the hallway as you make your way to Dad's room. You open the door a little and look in.  Seeing that it's empty, you close it and continue down the hall.  _If he's not in his room, he's definitely in the kitchen._   Sure enough, when you get close to the kitchen, you can hear the sounds of someone moving around inside. _Poor guy. Probably still doing his baking thing._   Instead of disturbing him, you take a seat on one of the couches that are clustered around the middle of the room and knock back the rest of your drink.

 

* * *

 

She always was pretty sneaky for someone who was tipsy all the time.  You almost didn't hear her until she opened your door.  Of course you'd feigned being asleep.  Didn't want to deal with her shitty drunk attempts at talking about feelings.  _Striders sure as hell don't roll that way._   You continue to watch the screen in front of you.  Maybe if you watch every single thing, you'll find a way to come back and help them.  The screen suddenly goes blank and emits a faint buzzing sound, and few seconds later it resumes playing as if nothing happened. Except..  "It's back to John now."   Every so often the screen would switch between Dave and John.  At first it pissed you off. You had yelled and gone into a rage, shattering the only chair in the room against the wall.  Why would it change away from your little bro?  You wouldn't admit it, but you really did care a whole fucking lot about the kid.  After you had regained your composure and replaced your poker face along with your shades, you started paying attention to the screen once more. You remember seeing this John kid a few times when you would pop in on Dave while they were skyping.  He was kind of cute. In a helpless, dorky kind of way.  Well, for a kid anyway.  As creepy as you felt about it, after the first few times of happening upon their video sessions, you had started planning to show up in Dave's room and see more of this chubby kid.  Once you started watching John you, of course, felt even more like a creepy pedophile. But you also started learning things about him that surely even Dave didn't know.  And _that_ would be so fun to rub in the lil' guy's face.

You pull your mind out of memories and focus on the screen again.  As usual, John is asleep. Poor kid. _That depression shit really knows how to wear down a body._   You notice a thick bandage around his wrist. "Oh, fuck no."  You've seen enough while you were alive to know why it's there. Hell, you'd even been to that point yourself.  And you know you shouldn't care past it being a possible hindrance to the kids winning the game.  But you can't quite squash the distressed feeling over John's well being.  _Damn this kid._   At this point, you know that he'll be asleep for many more hours and you should do something that resembles being productive.

You stand up to stretch, frowning at the way your joints pop as if to remind you of your age, and make your way to the door of your room.  The room is as plain as can be, the only furniture taking up space was a bed, a desk along with a now broken chair, and the giant tv.  The walls were bare and there was no closet either.  "Of course there's no closet. We don't need extra clothes."  You snigger to yourself as you reach for the doorknob, _"We're dead."_   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ehhh Bro is.. odd to write. if that makes sense? also, woah, mom lalonde appearing? i didn't plan that, honestly. i feel like it was a bizarre chapter. and it probably is. sorry ;-;


	5. Stuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is talk about self harm in the beginning of this chapter. sorry about that.

It's become like a drug to you.  The craving hits hard sometimes and all you can do is drag that damned razor across your limbs over and over.  Other times it's a slow ache that builds up over days until you're itching to feel the familiar pain and see the comforting dark red.  The wounds are always gone the next time you wake up, though, thanks to your being at god tier.  Not a single scar left over.  It bothers you sometimes.  You want the reminders. Today, however, you're glad there are no scars.  It's one of the days you have to surface and interact with the others on the ship. You know Jade will try to make you eat something and Nanna will only double their efforts.    
  
You roll over in your bed and peel the bandage off your wrist.  Smooth pale skin greets your eyes and once again you're thankful that there are no scars. Tugging on your clothes and setting your glasses on your face, you make your way out of the room and down the stairs.  When you reach the front door you hesitate. _Maybe I can go back to sleep and say that I forgot._   You stand there leaning on one leg then the other as you debate doing just that. _No. Jade will be angry and just come get me anyway._   Sighing deeply you open the front door and walk to the end of your driveway, waiting for Jade to show up and return you to your normal size.  
  
Time passes and you're starting to wonder if you'd gotten the day wrong.  You sit down with your legs hanging off the edge of the driveway and kick them back and forth.  She's taking a long time to get here and you just want it to be done with. "This is exhaaauuustiiinnggg!"  You whine to yourself and kick your feet harder, knocking your heels against the earth behind them.  
  
Finally Jade shows up and pulls you out and sizes you up to where you should be.  You stretch and give her a look that you hope clearly says, ' _What the hell took you so long???_ '  
  
"You missed the last day, John."  She doesn't look too happy.  "You slept through almost an entire month!  What is going on with you John?!"  
  
"I did not sleep that long!"  You retort and start towards the kitchen.  "I do other things too, Jade."  She snorts disbelievingly and follows you through the hall and into the kitchen. 

"I'm just worried about you.  It feels like you're falling away from us and nothing we do to try to help works."

"Don't worry about me, okay?!" You whirl around and glare at her. "I'm fine!"  Fuming, you storm to the far side of the kitchen where the fridge is and start pawing through it.  As you shove jars and bowls around you start calming down and realize that you just snapped at Jade.  You pull your head out of the cold and look over to see her still standing in the doorway.  Large tears threaten to spill down her cheeks as she stares back at you and you feel like the scum of the earth. 

"What the fuck happened to you, John?"  The tears have followed through with their threats and Jade is wiping them away as quick as she can.  "You're so different! Mean and cold and it feels like you don't want to be around us."  She's obviously trying to not all out cry and scratch the previous feeling, you now feel like the scum of the universe.  "You hate us, don't you?"

And with that you break and make your way over to Jade to wrap her in a tight hug. "No."  You can hear your voice shaking and tears are now threatening to fall from your own eyes.  "I don't hate you, Jade, I promise."

"Can you tell me why you've been acting the way you have for so long, then?"  She pulls out of the hug a little to look you in the eyes and you know that you have to tell her. 

"Alright, we'll talk about it."  The two of you settle side by side on the kitchen floor to talk about your fucked up problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope as i keep going with this, the chapters will get longer. i feel like they're so short. anyway, the next chapter is going to have a biiiiggggg time jump!


	6. Normal?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much for 431 hits! and for all the kudos! ahh seriously, thanks! ^u^  
> this chapter is where it starts getting happier!

Every time it gets too quiet in the apartment you start getting antsy and you can tell it makes Dave nervous.  Because of that, music is constantly playing loud enough to be heard in every room.  Dave isn't as distant as he used to be. He stays within a room or two away instead of being on the opposite side of the apartment at all times.  It's great and all to be alive again but you're not sure how to feel about how different everything is.  
  
You're sitting on your couch somewhat paying attention to the tv across the room but mainly spacing out and it takes you a minute to realize that Dave is standing in front of you.  
  
"John's coming over on Friday.  He's staying for a while." Before your brain even registered what he'd said, he vanished.  
  
"Shit."  You stay seated for a minute before you decide that you should get some more details about all this and maybe ask when you'd given the okay on this.  For springing it on you so last minute, you decide to attempt to scare the piss outta him.  Moving fast, you make your way to the trap door in the ceiling of the kitchen and open it.  You jump as high as you can and catch onto the ledge, dangling for a moment before you pull yourself up and into the passageway.  Following arrows and little notes you make your way to the trap door in Dave's room.  It's a wonder that he still hasn't found it yet, but you don't mind.  It makes fucking with his head more fun.  
  
Of course, after all the Sburb shit, you hadn't been as harsh as you used to be on him.  There were fewer strifes and when you two did fight, it wasn't easy beating him like it used to be.  Lil' man grew up a lot in all those years.   You also don't attempt to smother him in plush puppet ass as much as you used to.  Dave had seen enough scary shit in the game that smuppets don't make him scream like a little kid anymore.  Lil' Cal seems to still creep him the fuck out even though you wish he'd just accept the little guy as part of the family already.  
  
You ease the trap door open the tiniest bit and peek down into Dave's room.  He's laying on his stomach on his bed which is luckily on the opposite side of the room from where you are.  Moving slowly so you don't cause any stirring of the air, you climb down into the room and let the door return to it's hidden position.  
  
"Yo."  
  
Dave jumps up and is too close to your face with one of his shitty broken swords. You flashstep to the side out of reflex when he starts shoving the sword forward and you trip him with your foot.  He drops his sword and flails his arms to catch his balance and you reach out to help steady him.  He pulls away from your grip quickly and readjusts the aviators on his face.  
  
"Wha'd'ya want?"  His arms are crossed now and he's tapping his foot impatiently.  Goddammit, when did he get to be such an impatient brat?  
  
"Why is John coming over?"  You stuff your hands into your pockets and lean back against the wall.  
  
"Because."  
  
"Just fuckin' tell me, Dave."  
  
He huffs and puts his hands on his hips.  "I haven't seen him except through video since we won the game."  
  
Well, shit.  That is a good reason you suppose.  "Okay. Let's get some shit straight first."

Dave nods and sits on his bed, his blank expression not so forced now and you slide down from leaning on the wall to sitting cross-legged on the floor.

"How long is he staying for?"

"Until he wants to leave."

You give him a disapproving look over the top of your shades and he frowns.

"With nothing but the shitty games and movies you have here, he'll get bored really fast."

"Fine. Where's he gonna sleep?"

Dave shrugs, "I'll put out the air mattress in my room and he can have it or I'll take it an' he can have my bed."

You nod, somewhat satisfied with the answers, and stand up again deciding that you'll need to do some sort of cleaning in the few days you have until John gets there.  Once out of the room, you let the blank expression drop and you do what you always do whenever you start thinking on the topic of John Egbert.  You let a small blush creep onto your face and feel like a senpai that just noticed an extremely cute kouhai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bro Strider is actually a big kawaii dork <3


	7. Preparing

You really ought to be packing.  You should be doing something productive with your time.  Anything, really, would be better than laying on your bed and staring at the ceiling.  You glance at the clock on your nightstand and it informs you that it's 11:47pm and holy fuck, when did it get so late?  You roll around a bit and finally haul yourself off the bed.  A few more minutes are dedicated to stretching lazily before you grab the half packed bag from your floor and stuff more clothes into it.

You log onto Pesterchum to find a whopping zero messages demanding your attention and you decide to just leave it up as you shuffle around your room to finish packing.  There's not much left to pack except your toothbrush and shampoo, but you'll need those tomorrow so you leave them out along with a set of clothes.  You pick your wallet up off the desk to check your money and catch sight of the blades you have hidden in it.  A familiar itch starts up and you bite your lip hard. _Dammit._   Subconsciously your free hand slides over your thigh and you can feel thick lines of old scars through the fabric of your pants. In the few months of being back you had learned that almost nothing from the game stayed with you.  Your wounds no longer healed within hours.  You were no longer immortal.  The only thing that did stay was a slight control of wind, and even that is nothing compared to what you could do before.

"Shit."

This isn't the time for bad feelings to well up and you mentally kick yourself for even looking in your wallet. Of course the money was still there.  It's not like it magically took flight and vanished into the great who knows fucking where.

There's a soft knock on your door and you simultaneously jump and drop your wallet, scattering it's contents on the floor.  You pick everything up, shoving the razors in first before your dad opens the door.

"H-hey, Dad."  You set the wallet back on the desk and step away from it quickly, going to sit on your bed as your father enters the room.

"John, tomorrow is the big day." 

He smiles, but you can see the sadness in his eyes.  You almost feel bad for leaving.  Since the game had been won and everyone was brought back, he'd been a little clingy and over protective. It's pretty obvious that he's afraid to lose you or be taken again.

"It is!"  You smile back at him, front teeth sticking out over your lip and everything. "I'm so excited!" 

That's a lie.  You should be excited.  But you're nervous. 

"You're going off on a trip all alone for the first time."  He sets a hand on your shoulder. "I'm so proud of you, son."

"Thanks Dad."

His smile falters and a look you can't explain comes over his face. 

"Are you okay?"

He nods and takes his hand from your shoulder as he turns to leave.   "Goodnight, Son. I love you."

"I love you too, Dad."

With that, he's out the door and you hear his footsteps growing quieter as he heads to his own room.

You lay back on the bed and put your hands over your face.  Too close this time. He could have seen the blades all over the floor.  Your know your father is quick enough to immediately guess the reason behind having them.   The train of thought continues until you wind up thinking about the time you'll be spending in Texas with the Striders.  A flash of panic hits when you remember how hot Dave always complains about it being.  You can't wear pants and long sleeves.  A frustrated groan escapes as you sit back up and go to check what clothes you have packed.

After repacking twice, you're somewhat satisfied with your options in clothing.  You check Pesterchum one more time and see that you missed some messages from Dave.  It's a bit of rambling about how "you'll be in my fucking house bro", and you're both "gonna have the best mother fucking time well long as Bro doesn't drop a metric fucking ton of smuppets on you as soon as you're inside".

You start thinking up a reply but realize he's offline so you log out and shut down the computer.  As you settle under cold sheets you start thinking about how the visit will go.  You'll finally be able to hang out with your best friend and exchange lame jokes and watch awesome movies and play games.  Your inner dialogue trails off as you picture it all happening.  The part about Bro dropping an avalanche of puppets on you keeps playing in your mind, though.  It scares you a little and you really hope Dave was only joking and Bro wouldn't actually do that. 

You remember seeing a smuppet once when Bro showed up on your screen while you were skyping with Dave.  It was weird looking and it _squeaked_ when Dave shoved it away from the camera where Bro was attempting to explain how they work. 

Back then you didn't think much of Bro, other than that he always seemed to show up when you and Dave were video chatting.  Well, scratch that. The more you think on it, you start remembering the slight crush you might have had on the man.  He was just so big and strong and cool looking!  You were sure he was the kind of guy to put those muscles to use and save loads of damsels in distress.

Well. You used to have a crush on Bro.  That was totally a thing that had happened.  You turn over and curl up, blushing as you think about being thirteen and stupid, before you finally fall asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

You had hoped to pass the time on the plane by sleeping.  It seems everyone is dedicated to keeping you awake and irritated, though.  There's a baby screaming somewhere in the back and a kid in front of you who keeps putting his seat practically in your lap. Not to mention the lady in the seat beside yours who keeps shaking her magazine and making weird noises.  A couple hours and some negotiating with an equally irritated flight attendant later, you've got headphones and a blanket to help you sleep the last few hours.

Too soon the lady beside you is shaking you awake and telling you that you need to put your seat belt back on.  You buckle the seat belt and attempt to fold the blanket before giving up and just wadding it up on your lap. 

After landing and making your way to get your suitcase, you head to where Dave should be waiting for you.  You see him and Bro standing around looking bored and a burst of excitement surges through you as you start running towards them.  This is real, that is your best friend standing there and then Bro turns to look at you. _Oh no, he's hot.._ You'd laugh at your own joke, but in this case it's more of a factual statement than something to chuckle over.

You slow down from running to a jog, then a slow walk once you get close enough.  Both Striders have blank expressions, but you've learned enough about Dave to know that the slight twitching of his lips means that he's just as excited as you are.  You decide to envelope him in a crushing bear hug.

"Aw man, come on."  Dave complains,  "That's just not cool."

"Shut up, Dave, I know you want to get right to the manly cuddles as much as I do."  You keep squeezing him until he squeaks and shoves you off.

"Time to go."  Bro says as he starts walking towards the exit.

Dave helps you get your stuff and you both take off after the elder Strider.  Damn, he walks fast!  You're panting by the time you catch up with Bro, doubling over with your hands on your knees.  Not only did you have to run most of the way (Dave had assured you that Bro would leave by himself if you two didn't catch up fast), it's also hotter than an oven outside and you're already to the point of wanting to be rid of your clothes.

You toss your bags in the back of Bro's truck and climb up after Dave.

"Dude, are we really sitting back here?" 

"Hell yeah, man." Dave grins and hunkers down beside you as the truck starts moving.

Bro drives fast and takes turns sharp and you're not sure you're going to be able to keep the contents of your stomach.  It takes everything you and Dave have to keep from sliding around and into big boxes of smuppets.  Not soon enough the truck is stopping and you're in the parking lot of a huge building. 

You and Dave climb out of the bed of the truck and grab your bags.  Bro, not waiting for either of you, heads on into the building.

"You ready for this, bro?"

"I'm beyond ready."

"Right answer, let's go."  Dave leads you in the building and to an elevator.

He hits the highest number on the keypad and the doors shut.

"Top floor, bitches."  He smirks and fakes like there are fawning fangirls all around him.

You laugh and stand to the side while Dave continues his antics.  Finally the elevator stops and you're led to a door at the end of a short hallway.  

"Okay, man, no turning back after this."  He pauses with his hand on the doorknob.  "You sure you want to become a temporary part of the Strider household?"

"Temporary?"  You frown, a little confused.

"You gotta go back home sometime, man." Dave shakes his head.  "Can't leave poor Dadbert all alone in that big house of yours."

Oh, duh, that's what he meant.  You laugh and let yourself relax a little.

"Oh, of course." You make a show of taking a stable stance and 'preparing' yourself for the door to be opened. 

Dave opens the door and pushes it inward, revealing the living room of the apartment. It looks safe enough so you go in first.  You hear an alarmed sound come from behind you and look up in time to have your vision flooded by many bright colors. 

"What the fuck?!"  It's all you can manage to get out as you collapse under a mass of puppets. 

"I warned you about the smuppet attacks!" Dave starts digging you out and you're trying to shove puppets away from yourself as fast as possible.

The air is full of loud squeaks and bright colors flying everywhere before you're free and you catch a glimpse of Bro standing in the hallway.  _Is he seriously smiling??_   You growl to yourself as you stand and brush yourself off. You reach for your bags and follow Dave down the hallway to his room.  _If this is how things are going to be, it's going to be an exasperating visit._


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bro notices how hot John's gotten since the last time he saw him

_Oh no, he's hot.._  
  
The years spent in sburb had been kind to John.  Wielding the giant war hammer had probably helped some of that.  You can't help but stare, thankful for the shades hiding your eyes, as the teen runs towards you and Dave.  He slows down as he gets closer and you take time to observe the way he's slimmed down and gained muscle since you'd last seen him when he was thirteen and still chubby, soft, and untouched by the world.  He's definitely gotten too attractive for you to just ignore.  _This could be a problem._  
  
John was brought back to the Strider lair as soon as he and Dave stopped hugging each other. You could practically see the flowers blooming and hear the cheesy anime theme playing.  You're currently watching the kid struggle under a massive pile of smuppets and it's fucking hilarious.  Of course, Dave is to thank for the idea to welcome your guest like this.  Kid still doesn't know that you go through his pesterlogs from time to time and when you saw the warning about puppet attacks, you knew it would be the perfect thing to do.  
  
A particularly loud squeak catches your attention and when you look closer you see that it the midst of yelling, John had managed to get a smuppet nose partly in his mouth.  Instantly your mind goes to the gutter and you imagine fucking his mouth with a smuppet.  Of course you would think about something like that. 

You're smirking at the boys when John is finally free of the plush tomb and he just glares at you.  
  
The chance to abscond comes when their attention is momentarily turned to grabbing the dropped luggage and you take it, flash stepping back to your room.  
  
Once hidden away in the dark room you allow yourself to continue the thoughts of using toys on John.  
  
 _He's laid out on your bed and you're busy working a plug with a fluffy tail attached into him.  The soft moans and gasps he's making are driving you crazy._  
  
"Fuck that's hot."  You've moved to your bed, sitting on the edge with your legs spread.  You quickly free yourself from your jeans and begin stroking your hardening member, uttering soft curses under your breath as you imagine John's warm mouth in place of your hand.  His bright blue eyes cloud with lust as he looks up at you.  It doesn't take long before you're spilling over into your hand and you grab a t-shirt from the floor to clean up with.  
  
"Did I really just get off to that fucking kid?"  
  
You did and it doesn't really bother you as much as it probably should.  You shrug and tuck yourself back into your pants.  Your stomach growls and you decide that food requires more thought than shotas right now.  
  
Following the loud music, you make your way to Dave's room and open the door to ask them what they want to eat.  
  
Dave pauses the game they're playing and turns to glare at you, you assume it's because you didn't knock or something.  
  
"I'm now taking suggestions for dinner."  
  
"Oh! Can we have pizza?" John pipes up, not waiting to hear what Dave wants and a big grin makes it's way onto his face when you nod your head.  "Thanks Mr. Strider!"  
  
You cringe inwardly at the formal name. "Call me Bro, kid.  I'm not that old."  
  
"Okay, Bro!"  He's still got that cute smile on his face.  
  
"Make sure you get good toppings." Dave throws in.  
  
"I always do."  
  
Dave unpauses the game before John's fully paying attention and he makes an angry noise.  
  
"Dammit, Dave, I wasn't ready!"  
  
You take the cue to leave and head to the living room to order the pizza.  
  
Around thirty minutes later there's hot pizza on the table and Dave and John are rushing into the kitchen.  You catch a muttered thank you or two before they start shoveling food into their mouths.  You grab a box for yourself and go to the living room to watch a movie while eating.

You're about half way through a movie that's not keeping your interest very well when John plops himself onto the couch beside you.  It only takes a second before he starts sighing.  You keep your eyes on the screen, pretending to not have noticed him or the noises. A few more minutes and he's fidgeting.  Jeez what does he want?

"Brooo!"

You cringe a little inside as he draws out your name in a whiny voice and look over at him finally.  He's wearing a light blue t-shirt with some design you don't recognize and a pair of black long shorts.  And is that really a barrette in his hair?  It's actually pretty cute and you want to snatch it right off his head.

"What, kid?"

"Okay first, I'm not a kid. I'm seventeen."

"Wow, seven-fucking-teen. Such an adult."

"Shut up!" He's on his knees facing you now and he looks frustrated.  "Second, I'm really bored!"

"What the fuck d'ya want me to do about it?" You snort and turn back to the shitty movie.

Out of the corner of your eye you can see he's started fidgeting again.  He's playing with the hem of his shirt and shit he's blushing.  This can't be good.  He looks up at you and you snap your eyes to the screen once more.

"Bro?" He sounds so nervous and scared and it's actually fucking adorable coming from him.

You grunt as response and he takes it as a sign to keep going.

"Can.. Um.. Can I kiss you?"

_Oh, hell no._

This has definitely become a problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John. what are you doing? seriously John.   
> anyways, smut soon! probably.. i don't know actually. i'll leave it at a maybe. ;-;   
> Bro is trying to deny it, but he likes John. ;]   
> also, i know it says that Bro hasn't seen John since he was 13, even though there was the stuff while Bro was dead. it'll make sense soon, i promise.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> self harm stuff in this one. yep.

He vanished from your sight so fast you were sure he'd exploded or something.  The gust of wind told you that he'd instead just absconded the fuck outta there. Damn Striders and their inhuman speed.

"Way to fuck up on the first day here, Egbert."  You chastise yourself as you take off your glasses to rub your eyes. 

You know now you probably won't see Bro for the rest of the time you're at their place.  That crush you'd had on the man had seemed to spring back up after you remembered it and then spent a lot of time thinking about it.  All you wanted was one kiss, just to see what it was like.

You sigh and start cleaning up the pizza boxes scattered around.  You have to be quiet so you don't wake Dave up when you go in his room to grab the box you two had taken in there.  He shifts in his sleep and you freeze, prepared to bolt if he does wake up.  Luckily, he just turns over and starts snoring softly.  You let out the breath you didn't realize you were holding and take a moment to study your friend.  He looks peaceful.  The way he's curled up and clutching a pillow to himself makes him look small and fragile. 

You wonder for a moment what his dreams are like.  Hopefully they aren't as bad as yours.  Nightmares come often and because of that, you rarely sleep for long.  You remember how while in the game you could sleep for almost a week at a time. 

It takes your mood even lower when you think about the time you spent in Sburb. You finish cleaning up the trash from the meal and go back to Dave's room to grab a razor from your wallet.

The bathroom door won't lock but you figure it'll be okay. Dave will be out for a long time and Bro is most definitely going to be avoiding you.  You pull off your pants and close the lid of the toilet before sitting on it.  It always makes you feel so pathetic that you're still doing this.  The thoughts and feeling only serve to add extra wounds on yourself, though.

You're well into it when the door swings open. It makes you jump and the line you were carving goes deeper than it should have.  You look up to see Bro standing in the doorway.  He opens and closes his mouth for a moment, obviously trying to find something to say.   You start to apologize for the blood that's spilling onto the floor when you actually look down at your leg and see that it's bleeding too much and you stop talking.

* * *

The kid's thighs are nearly covered in scars and he's been busy adding new ones, you see.  He starts saying something about the blood and how he promises he'll clean it up when he looks down and quickly shuts up. You follow his gaze and see that one of the cuts is bleeding badly, obviously deeper than he intended.  You don't say anything but start going through the cabinets below the sink until you find the first aid kit.

You wipe away the blood on his thigh in attempt to see where the actual wound is.  He sits still and doesn't say anything as you work at patching him up, but you can feel his stare.  Something about this feels familiar and it tugs in the back of your mind that you knew John self harms.  You push the nagging thought away and sit back after he's cleaned up.

"I'm sorry."  He says, his voice cracking a little.

"Nothing to be sorry 'bout, kid." 

There really isn't.  In fact you're sorta feeling like it's your fault.  You ran away when he asked for that kiss and there are much better ways to deal with things than running away.

He gives you a quick hug and before you can react he's absconded to Dave's room.  You stand up and take your shades off for a moment to rub a hand over your face and something catches your eye.  The razor John was using is on the floor.  He must have dropped it when you came in.  You clean the blood drops off the floor then pick up the razor.  Kid shouldn't be messing with blades.  Striders, however, excel when it comes to sharp things.

You start thinking of a way to handle the situation as you go to get rid of the blade.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's talk about serious shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm honestly amazed people are still reading this. i love you all <3

It's hot and stuffy in Dave's closet.  You decided to hide there after what you're already referring to in your mind as 'The Worst Possible Thing To Happen'.  You have to keep quiet, but the tears won't stop and small sobs are tearing their way from your throat.  Your happy, "I'm a-okay!" mask is completely gone.  This trip was a bad idea. 

Your thoughts are interrupted by the closet door opening and a pair of strong arms wrapping around you. Your face is pressed against a muscular chest and you're being lifted from the floor.

"H-hey, I'm too heavy for that shit." You mumble and try to will yourself lighter.

"I've split a meteor before, kid, you ain't nothin'."

You still cling to him as if you'd get too heavy and slip out of his arms.  As he carries you out of the room you see that Dave isn't in his bed anymore and it causes you to panic a little.  What would he think of his friend being carried around by his Bro?

"Where's Dave?"

"Went out somewhere."

"Oh."

You realize that Bro is going the opposite way of the living room and another panic starts up. _His room??_   Why would he be taking you to his room?  Bro shifts his hold on you and opens the door. You take a moment to look around.  There are a few piles of smuppets here and there.  A computer sits on a makeshift desk on the far wall and is producing music.  It has a nice slow beat and it's quiet enough to make good background noise. In the corner is an unmade bed that you're deposited onto.  You shift and pull your legs up to your chest.  Bro sits beside you, his shoulder brushing yours.

"Do you want to tell me what that was about?"  He's looking at you, but you can't tell exactly where because of his shades.

You're not sure what he means.  There's a few things he could be talking about.

"What you were doing in the bathroom."

He must have understood the confused look that had made it's way onto your face.  You look down at your knees, unsure whether he really cares about you or if he's just curious.  _He did clean the cuts and patch you up.._ You reason with yourself.  Maybe he does care.  That's sure a funny thought. Striders having emotions. Your mind goes to Dave and it's not funny anymore.  You've seen first hand that these men do have emotions.  Its a terrible thing to witness someone being worn down until they break and their emotions seem to just pour out of them like blood flowing from a wound.

You look back up at Bro. He's still watching you and it makes you blush a little.

"It's how I cope."  You offer.

"I know that it's a coping mechanism, John." He nods a bit, not looking at you anymore.  "I used to cope the same way when I was much younger than you."

_Oh._   This is going to be some sort of feelings jam isn't it?  You know those are rare with Strider men, so you decide to go with it and talk about everything with him. Most of your problems stem from Sburb and he was also in the game for a while.  Plus your father had told you about the place that the guardians went after they died and the weird screens in the rooms.  He'd said that Bro had spent the most time of any of them watching everything that happened.  Maybe Bro would understand?

"Okay, I guess I'll explain everything."  You turn to face him, still wondering a little if it's the right thing to do.

* * *

Kid's been through a lot of shit.  You converse about self harm for a bit before turning to the cause.  Of course that damned game is one of the main reasons.  You wish you could help him more in discussing everything that happened and what started it.  You really do want to help.  The only problem is the last thing you remember was fighting that monster and getting run through with your own sword.  You don't know what he's gone through other than what he's told you. 

John mentions something about a screen and you just give him a confused look.  He returns the confused look and shakes his head.  _Screen?  What the hell?_   You decide to voice your confusion.

"Kid, I don't know anything about a screen. Last thing I remember is falling while fighting a monster and being stabbed with my own sword."  You pause and decide to take off your shades. This is a feelings jam after all.  "And then I was back. Everyone was."

He looks up at you with shock clear on his face and you watch as his eyes get even wider when he realizes you took off your shades.  You look down at your hands which are folded in your lap.  Your eyes were pretty much the only thing you got nervous about.  Their bright, golden color made people stare, and not in the desired way.

"Anyway," You look back at him again. "Explain this shit about a screen."

"I-it was in this place that the guardians went when they died." 

"What do you mean? I though we just stopped existing until the new universe was created."  You're even more confused than before and sort of.. Panicked?  Yeah, that fits, you think.

He shakes his head. "My Dad told me about this strange building you all went to after dying.  Each bedroom had this weird screen in it that showed what was happening with all of us. He said that his screen would show me and Jade and Ms. Lalonde's showed Rose."  John pauses a moment and looks away. "Yours showed me and Dave."

You stare at the teen for a moment then everywhere in your room except him.  You remember having a dream not long after being back.  There were so many hallways. Everything was a greenish color and, just, endless hallways.  Maybe that was the place John is talking about?  What really bothers you is that you can't remember any of the time spent there.  Four years you supposedly spent watching Dave, and apparently John, struggle through that game.  _He did say his dad said I spent the most time watching them._   And you can't remember jack shit. That's definitely something you're going to work on.  Remembering absolutely everything.

John taps your arm and when you finally look at him again, he looks flustered.

"You're not saying anything, Bro.."

"This is a lot for me to take in, Kid."

He nods and looks down at his knees then back up at you.  He looks so sad. Usually he's the happiest little fucker you've ever seen.  All of that's been stripped away today and you're seeing that you and Dave aren't the only ones to wear masks.  It tugs at your supposedly nonexistent heart and you wrap him in a tight hug.  John squeaks and goes stiff as a board at first, but you continue the hug and finally he slumps into your arms and wraps his own around you.

The hug doesn't last very long, though.  Both of you put out warmth like heaters and it gets too hot to be clinging to one another.  You pulls back first and he reluctantly lets go of you.  John pouts a little and you give him one of your rare smiles.  You stand up and place your shades back on your face.

"Alright, so, feelings jam over for today?" You ask while stretching a little.

"Yeah, I guess."  He nods and stands to stretch as well. 

You decide to give him a quick kiss on his cheek before absconding.


	12. Chapter 12

You're currently laying on the floor in Dave's room.  It's uncomfortable despite the giant pile of blankets Dave had collected from around the apartment.  You're extremely tempted to wake him up and ask if you can change your mind and take the bed.  Shaking your head, you decide that would be rude and you don't want to be a bother.  Your pranking antics had already put an unfixable hole in the air mattress you were supposed to sleep on and you're starting to think Dave is getting a little annoyed with it all.  You turn over and stare at a wall.  It's too bright in the room for your taste, but Dave insisted he couldn't sleep without some light.

You're tired and you wish you could get yourself to just fall asleep already.  As you turn over again a few blankets get pushed out from under you.  You stand up to fix them but wind up throwing the fuzzy pink blanket you're holding down in frustration.  A glance at Dave informs you he's still asleep, so you decide that you might as well go explore a little since you're wide awake and now standing. 

There's enough light to see from various electronics scattered about the apartment. You make your way to the kitchen to grab a glass of water before starting any actual exploring.  It's nearly impossible to find anything, even after being there for a few days now.  You let out an exasperated sigh after closing the last cabinet door.  That one was filled with weapons too. Luckily, none had fallen out when you opened the doors.  That would have been really bad.

"What'cha lookin' for, kid?"  

You whirl around to see Bro standing at the entrance to the kitchen.  He looks half asleep.  _That explains his accent being so thick._    You really hope your bumbling around didn't wake him up.

"Uh, just a glass of water." 

Bro turns around and walks back towards the hallway.  He opens a closet door and pulls out a cup before returning and holding it out to you.  While you sip at your water he leans against a counter and looks at you over the top of his shades.

"E'rything alright?"

It catches you off guard but you nod and, of course, end up spilling water down your chest.  _Really Egbert? Nodding while drinking? Smooth._   You growl in frustration and wipe the water away the best you can.

"Y' seem pretty awake for someone who just woke up for some water."  He's still staring you down over the shades and you catch his eyes darting to your arm a couple times.  Ah. That's why he's being so persistent about why you're up. 

It's only been a few days since the incident but you've noticed that he's been keeping an eye on you.  You haven't decided whether you think he's just making sure you're okay or if he just doesn't want your dad to wind up seeing the scars and thinking he hurt you.  You've been keeping an eye on him as well. Though, not in the same way.  Sneaking glances when all three of you are watching movies. Staring for a moment too long when he comes down from the roof, shirtless and shining with sweat.   Catching a glimpse of him after he gets out of the shower and lazily makes his way to his room.  

You shake yourself out of the thoughts and, oh yeah, your face is red.  You can just feel it.  Not to mention Bro's giving you a strange look.  _Say something, John!  And not anything stupid!_

"Uh."  Nailed it.  

Bro shakes his head, "Whatever.  Wha'd'ya say we just watch a movie? Since we're both wide awake now."

You manage a nod and he sets to making popcorn.

"Alright, go pick something out." He waves in the direction of the living room.

You set down your water and scurry away to check out his movie selection.  He has a  ton of them, but they're all shitty and nothing you'd want to watch. 

"Don't you have anything good, Bro?"  You peer over the couch and stare at him.

"Kid, everything in there is good. So fucking good."

You scoff and go back to digging through them, and oh. Is that? You quickly shove DVD cases out of the way and all over the floor.  You hold up a single case over your head and hum the get item tune from Legend of Zelda.   Bouncing with excitement, you make your way back to the kitchen and hold out the movie in front of you.  

"Really? Ghostbusters?"  Bro shakes his head.  "I don't remember even buying that."

"We're watching this." You give him your best intimidating look and he smirks.

"No way, lil' man, we're gonna watch something actually good."

"You told me to pick something out and I did!"  You huff and cross your arms, not willing to give up so easily.

He crosses his arms as well and stares you down, unwilling to give up either. You lean against the counter and stare right back at him.  _Just gotta wait it out and surely you'll win, man._   Somehow it's been turned into a staring contest and your eyes are burning. It's taking every ounce of your strength to not blink.  Yet Strider over there still seems perfectly fine.  He's leaned back in a relaxed stance, poker face intact and eyes never leaving yours.  Those eyes of his.  They're practically glowing and you swear you can see amusement in them.  _He thinks this is funny?!_

You know you're about to lose but that's out of the question.  You rack your brain for something, anything, that will help you win.  A single idea comes to mind and by that time your eyes hurt so bad, you're past questioning it.  Taking a few quick steps to close the distance between the two of you, you stare up into his eyes a moment longer. There's slight confusion in them now. You lean up onto your toes, cursing him silently for somehow still being taller than you, and press your lips to his. The confusion leaves Bro's eyes as they widen in surprise before sliding shut.  His arms wind around you and holy shit he's kissing you back.  _Bro is actually kissing me, oh god._   You close your eyes and put your hands on his shoulders to balance yourself as you press your chest to his and let out a soft moan.

He pushes you back gently and you look up at him.  His poker face is back in place and you can't see his eyes.  He turns to finish making the popcorn without saying anything.  You're starting to get nervous, because what the hell, man?  He can't be bothered to say a single thing to you after that?  You start to wonder if it was a bad idea but you recall the way he wrapped his arms around you and kissed back.  Surely that means something?  Maybe it didn't mean anything and it was just, like, one of those things.  Someone kisses you so you humor them and kiss back. _That's dumb. No one does something like that._   You decide thinking is a bad idea for now and just go into the living room.  You settle on the couch and stare at the floor until Bro joins you. He sets the popcorn beside you and goes to put the movie in. 

There's complete silence until the movie starts. He actually put in Ghostbusters. You turn to him with a big grin on your face but he doesn't look at you.  The smile falters and you face the tv again. Yeah, the kiss was a bad idea.  And he put in the movie you wanted so you would keep quiet. You wish you had never left Dave's room. 

The movie's only about thirty minutes in but you can feel yourself getting tired.  You try to stay awake and pay attention to the happenings on the screen.  Staying conscious is just not happening, though.  You try pinching your arm and blinking a lot but the effects wear off within moments. You close your eyes and they don't seem to open again. Not that you notice. You're asleep pretty much instantly.

_Why is there so much blood everywhere?  It's getting all over me..  Oh, who is that?  Wait, shit, no.  That can't be..!  No no no no no!_

You jolt awake and the first thing you notice is Bro holding you tightly to his chest.  The second is that your cheeks are wet.  You quickly wipe away the tears with the back of your hand.  _Is Bro humming?_   You look up at him and see that his eyes are closed (and his shades are gone) and there's a slightly pained look on his face.  You shift in his grip and he looks down at you, eyes full of worry. 

"Uh. I-I'm okay."  You shift again, "You can let go now."

Bro shakes his head and keeps his hold on you.  "You're not okay, I c'n tell."  He starts humming again and now that you're a little more awake, you feel that he's gently rocking back and forth.

"Okay, yeah. I'm not." You relax into his arms and lean your face against his chest.  This is nice and you don't want to question it right now.  You just want to be comforted. 

After a while he lets go of you and you sit up, rubbing your arm where it fell asleep.  There's an, in your opinion, uncomfortable silence.  You aren't sure what to say, and you feel sort of bad for the mini drama you caused.  As you're searching your mind for something to say, Bro breaks the silence.

"Do y'wanna sleep in my bed?"

You stare at him for a moment, unsure if you heard him correctly.

"Y' don't have to. I just thought it might help if you have another nightmare."  He adds and you shake your head.

"No. I want to."

He nods once and stands up to stretch a bit.  You go to stand up to but he stops you.  Before you can protest, he picks you up and starts towards the bedroom.  Once inside he dumps you onto the bed and closes the door.

"Hey!"  The bed may be soft but being dropped onto it sure isn't pleasant.

"Shh! Don't want to wake Dave up."

"Oh, right."  

You crawl toward the head of the bed and curl up facing the wall.  Bro slides in behind you and pulls you to himself.  You sigh softly as his arm settles over your waist and you're asleep again in no time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, wow. i'm really sorry for taking so long to update. motivation is a thing i've definitely been lacking in. anyway, thanks everyone for the hits, kudos, and bookmarks! it means a lot to me. of course, i'd still appreciate some sort of feedback, but it's cool if you're all the silent type and stuff. but yeah i'll try to not take so long with the next chapter. though, i'm searching desperately for a job, so no guarantees it'll be all that soon.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the author doesn't know how to make things happy so there seems to always be a sad John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh over 1000 hits! and 41 kudos! you guys are great <3

Loud music pulls you from your slumber.  Turning over, you see that you're still in Bro's bed.  You find your glasses beside the pillow and put them on.   You look around the room and notice Bro sitting at his computer.  He has a pair of orange headphones around his neck which are obviously not plugged in as you can hear the music loud and clear.  You sit up and run a hand through your hair, wondering how much of a mess it looks.  He notices your movement and lowers the volume on the music before he turns to look at you.

"Sleep well, Aurora?"

"Aurora?  What the hell?"  You give him a look.  It is too early for any sort of bullshit.

"Y'know, Sleeping Beauty?"

"Oh." Okay, that sort of makes sense now, wait.. "Wait, what time is it?"

He points to the clock on the floor beside the bed and you grab it.  The glowing red numbers flash in your face letting you know that it's approximately 3:07 in the afternoon.  You nearly drop the clock but manage to catch it and set it down gently.

"Why'd you let me sleep so late?  Oh my god, what is Dave going to say?  Shit shit shit shit!"

You panic and wind up muttering to yourself as you climb out of bed.  The sheets tangle around your legs and you fall noisily to the floor, offering the carpet a few choice curses.  He's watching you with one of those smirks that seem Strider patented. God, those smirks are annoying.  You free your legs from the sheets and jump up to run to Dave's room.  Bro catches you before you make it to the door and pulls you into his lap and you blush brightly.

"Bro! Let me go!"

"Don't worry, kid, Dave's not home."

You stop struggling and turn a little to look at him.

"He's not?"  That's somewhat of a relief.  You can't imagine what would happen if he walked in on Bro holding you like this. "Wait. What did he say about me being in your bed..?"

His smirk halts and is replaced with a sort of thoughtful expression. "Just told him you were havin' nightmares and needed company or some shit like that, then ya fell asleep in my bed."  He pokes your side and you simultaneously jump and squeak.  "He didn't think it was weird or nothing, so don't worry."

You nod and calm down a little.  Okay, so you dodged that bullet. Or really, Bro helped you dodge it.  He reaches around you to mess with something on the computer and you're pulled away from your thoughts.  You watch him mess around with the music for a while before you realize that you're still sitting in his lap.  You jump up quickly, trying to keep an embarrassed blush from making it's way onto your face.

"I just realized I've been sitting on your lap this whole time and I'm probably not the lightest person there is. I'm sorry."  Your words mash together as you force them out.

"What did I tell ya the other day?  You're not heavy, kid."  He looks at you over his shades so you know he's being serious.

"Still."  You busy yourself with picking at your nails and looking at your feet.  "Sorry about last night, by the way."

Bro reaches out and tilts your face up until your looking at him.  His shades are gone again.  You really could get used to seeing his eyes more often, they're breathtaking.

"Everyone deserves comfort when they're feeling shitty or are afraid, John."  He's dropped the accent, which you're now aware was fake.  You wonder why he bothered with it in the first place.  Probably had to do with irony or something like that.  "From what I've gathered, you need someone to give you that comfort and make you feel safe."  He pauses and his eyes blink away before returning to yours with emotion that surprises you.  "Doesn't your father help you?"

You look away from him, anything seemingly more interesting than his face.  "He doesn't know about all this stuff.  I act like I'm happy and hide the nightmares so he'll be happy.  I don't want him to have to worry about me.  No one should have to, I don't deserve it."

He pulls you suddenly into a tight hug.  You're not sure what the right thing to do is so you just wrap your arms around him loosely.

"You do deserve it, John.  What you don't deserve is the hell that fucking game turned your life into." 

He holds you tighter and somehow you're back in his lap again.  You aren't sure when you started crying, but the wet spot on his shirt alerts you to the fact it's not just started.  Silent sobs rack your body as you shake in his arms and cling to him.  He's humming again and fuck if it isn't one of the most comforting things you've experienced.  All you can think of is how much this man suddenly means to you.  It started off as a stupid crush and now he's the only person you feel understands you at all.  It wasn't even intentional.  He just happened on your secret and has been showing affection for you, even if it is in a weird way sometimes.  The tears are slowing and you press your face to his chest and let out a shaky sigh.  He ruffles your messy hair gently and runs a hand up and down your back.

"Feeling better, kid?"  His voice is soft and yet rough at the same time.  You decide that you love it.

"Yeah, a little bit."  You sit back a bit and look up at him.  He smiles, a real genuine smile, down at you and your eyes widen.  "You should smile more. It's nice."

He snorts and gives you a look.  "And lose my badass reputation?  I think not."

You laugh a little and smile at him.  "You're a dork."

He widens his eyes and sputters as he puts a hand to his chest. "I am wounded! How dare you imply that I'm not the most sugoi fucker there is!"

You can't help but break into giggles.  It doesn't help that he's started tickling you gently. You flail a bit and when you grab his hands to stop him he twines his fingers with yours.  There's a lull in activity and you're both left staring at each other with big smiles and holding hands.  His eyes look distant though, like he's thinking hard about something and you want to know what it is.  You shift in his lap and you can see his attention focusing back on you.

"What were you thinking about?"

He doesn't answer your question, though, but just continues to look at you.  You start to shift again, feeling like maybe you did something, when he pulls a hand from yours to set it on your cheek gently.  Oh, well okay.  He removes his other hand as well and puts it on your back, pulling you closer.  You can feel a blush creeping across your face and when he leans in slowly you know it gets brighter.  You let your eyes slide shut as his lips meet yours.  His hand drops from your face and joins his other on your back, pulling you forward and you lean into him, laying your arms over his shoulders.  His lips move against yours and you reciprocate.  His lips are soft against yours and you're a little self conscious about yours being slightly chapped. The thought is quickly forgotten when he nips your lower lip as he pulls away.  You open your eyes half way and are greeted by Bro grinning at you.  It sends a shiver down your spine and you feel that blush starting up again.

He slides his hands down and gives your ass a rough squeeze and you squeak.

"Mmm, very plush." He purrs.

Yeah, that blush is definitely back now. "Bro!"  You hit his arm gently and he smiles again.

"Dave is due home any minute." He ignores the way your eyes widen in panic and continues, "To let him walk in on this or not to.." He hmm's and you start trying to climb off his lap. "I guess you better get your shota ass outta here."  He gives your ass another squeeze and lets you go.

You give him a quick kiss on the cheek before absconding to Dave's room to get dressed.  True to what Bro said, Dave walks in only a few minutes later.  You hop up from where you were sitting to greet him.

"Hi, Dave!"  You give him a big smile.

"Hey, man, sup?"  He nods at you and drops his bag in the middle of the floor.  "Did you just wake up?"

You grin nervously and scratch the side of your head. "Er, yeah, I might have."

He smirks and motions for you to follow him to the living room. "That's cool.  I understand you haven't been sleeping too well, anyway."

You nod and sit on the couch, watching him as he puts a game in the xbox.  Part of you wishes that Dave would act like he used to.  That he'd just tease you about it and be done with it. But you know it's not going to happen.  He changed so much over the years. 

You smile at him when he offers you a controller and take it.  Nothing like mindless games to drown out your thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you notice anything wrong, like spelling or grammar errors, feel free to point them out! thanks for reading! <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Super short chapter from Dave's perspective.

Man, there's no way you just saw what you think you did.  Right?  You repeat a mantra of 'no fucking way' under your breath as you head right back out the door of your apartment.  You run around the building a couple of times to try and clear your head, then climb the stairs instead of taking the elevator and sit on the top step for a while.  There's no way you just saw your best friend kissing your big bro.  It's not right.  And not in the age difference way.  You don't give a shit about that. 

This visit was supposed to be your chance.  You were going to confess your feelings to John.

Of course, it'd be nonchalant and you could hide behind your shades and laugh it off as a joke if it didn't go as planned.  And it's not like Bro knew about it.  You're positive, in fact, that there's no way he could have known. You'd never told anyone. Not even Rose could pry the information out of you. 

You sigh and pull out your phone to shoot a quick text to Bro.

' _yo break it up in there i'm coming in and i dont want to accidentally see you guys' junk or something'_

It's a few minutes before you get a text back.

' _Why, I don't know what you're talking about, dear baby brother.'_

You sigh, pocketing your phone, and head inside.  Bro's door is shut now.  You go to your room where John greets you happily and offers one of his usual goofy smiles.  It's so cute and it makes your heart ache when you remember what you walked in on.  You scoff to yourself, _Heart? Sorry. Don't know what that is. Probably don't have one._

You drop your bag and lead him to the living room while making some comment about his sleeping patterns.  According to Bro, John has nightmares about Sburb.  You've always felt protective of your friends, though you don't show it, and it makes you want to wrap him in a giant blanket and keep him safe forever.  Instead you just offer him a game controller.  He gives you another of those heart wrenching smiles and you can't look at him so you just settle on the opposite side of the couch and press start on the game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i need to update the tags, but i have no idea what to tag all this nonsense with.


	15. Chapter 15

It's been around a week since letting John sleep in your bed and the shenanigans that followed the next day.  Dave is avoiding you like you've contracted some horrible disease.  You'd be okay with that, if it weren't for the fact that he always drags John away with him.  They're hardly inside anymore other than to sleep and to grab food if they don't have enough money to buy some.  If you're quick enough, sometimes you can sneak a kiss while Dave is distracted.  Though, nothing beats when John sneaks into your room after your brother is asleep. 

He didn't come last night.  At first you were disappointed but as the night wore on into early morning hours, you pushed thoughts of the boy from your head with the excuse that they must have had a long day.  He was surely just exhausted.

They were gone before you woke up.  A note, words scrawled in red, tells you that the boys went to the park hours ago.  You set the note back on the table and go about finding food.  It takes you a good half hour of searching before you realize that the food isn't hard to find because it's hidden well, it's because there's none left.  This means you'll have to go out today.  You groan and run a hand through your hair then over your face, careful not to displace your shades. 

A shower and change of clothes later, you're heading out the door.  The drive is pretty uneventful.  It's too hot to keep the windows up so you roll them all the way down and turn your music up enough to be heard by others. Ah, the My Little Pony mix, you'd forgotten this was in here. All the better, though. You crank the music louder and drive a little slower than normal, which puts you at around the speed limit. This earns you a few stares from people and the few trolls walking down the streets.  You nod at them and wink, though they can't see it through your shades.  You consider your daily attention meter at least half full.

Said meter reaches near capacity while getting the food.  You make it a point to only go down each aisle once and if something is remembered after leaving it, you stand at the end and stare longingly at whatever it is for at least a full minute.  It takes up a lot of time though, so you only do it once today.  A woman gives you a weird look while walking by and, preoccupied with watching you, nearly runs into a large display of cans. You give her a smirk and go on your way to the next aisle, ignore her muttered insult.  You run down this aisle while knocking boxes of cereal off the shelf and into the cart.  More stares and mutters are earned.  You flash step through the next aisle, grabbing cans and packages as you go.  A pissed off, teenage looking, troll comes through and you can't resist messing with him.  You stop right in front of him and it takes him a moment to realize someone just materialized out of thin air.  You keep your poker face up and flash step again, vanishing from his sight and the aisle.  His distraught sounds are nearly enough to make you break into a chuckle, but like hell that'll happen. You're a Strider and you're in public.  There's a reputation to uphold.

Checking out goes as it usually does. Some teen is working the register and stumbling over her words as she scans the items.  She's stopped and it sort of looking at you expectantly and you realize she must have asked you something.

"Didn't catch that."

She stutters and nearly drops the can she's holding. "O-oh, um, I was just asking if all this was just for you."  She starts scanning items again. "I mean, it's okay if it is, um, I didn't mean anything by it."

You quirk and eyebrow at her but don't say anything. She doesn't either and finishes putting the last items into bags for you.

"Say," You drawl and tilt your head a little.  "There ain't some strong young man who c'n help me carry all these heavy bags back to my truck is there?"

She looks flustered again but motions over another worker, who you notice immediately is pretty damn attractive.  He gives you a look and turns to her.

"Is there any problem here?" He gives you yet another look and you know he thinks you're harassing the girl.

"No, no." She shakes her head. "He, um, was just asking if someone could help him carry his bags out."

"Ah. Yeah, I can do that."

He starts gathering up the majority of the bags and you grab a few as well because, damn he's cute and even though you're feigning being weak, you're gonna try to show out even a little.  You make sure to lean past him and flex a little when you pick up the bags, and you sure as hell make sure to sway your hips just the right way as you walk in front of him towards your truck.  You also might have made a show of leaning over the back of the truck bed when you placed your few bags in.  It's all payed off well too. When you turn around the guy is obviously flustered and looks like he might be sporting the beginnings of a boner.  You smirk at him and grab the rest of the bags from his hands. 

Once depositing them, you turn to him again and lean close. "Thanks fer the help, big boy." You let the false accent flow with charm and smirk again as he mutters something sounding like 'No problem,' and takes off towards the store. You make sure there's no one around and let yourself actually laugh for a moment.

You keep the drive home simple, no music or anything to get attention.  You want to save the last of your patience in case John comes to your room tonight.  You really hope that he does. 

You're hardly in the door before there's a gust of wind crossing your path that you know comes from flash stepping.  A piece of paper flutters in the wake and you snatch it out of the air.

 

 

  
_roof_ _now  
_

_bring a damn sword  
_

Well then. It's been a while since you two had a good strife, anyway.  You leave the bags where you dropped them by the door and head for the roof, drawing a katana from your strife specibus.  You vaguely register John coming out of the bathroom before you're out of sight range.

 

* * *

 

This is...  Well, it's a shock, honestly.  A very unexpected shock.  You look down at your feet as you shuffle them nervously, then back up at your best friend.  His face gives no emotion away, and though his eyes are hidden, you're sure they're searching your own.  You know he wants some sort of answer and stalling like this is just going to make things worse.  How are you supposed to answer him, though?  What are you supposed to say when your best friend confesses his love for you?  What are you supposed to tell him when he loves you and you've been having sloppy make out sessions with his older brother while he slept?  This is wrong.  So, so wrong. This is not how this visit was supposed to go. Hell, the thing with Bro wasn't even supposed to happen.  Not that you minded. It was nice. But you're getting off track.  You need to focus on what to tell Dave.

You can feel his glare through the shades now.  His cool kid mask looks like it's going to break any minute. You're still not sure what to do. 

"Dave, I.." You look down and you notice his fists clench. "I love you as my best friend. Like that moirail thing the trolls have."  You look back up at him and he's shaking. That can't be a good thing. You really hope he doesn't hit you or something. You've seen him have emotional outbreaks.  They're not pretty and neither was the end result on the receiving side.

"Is it because of Bro?"  He growls it and it startles you.

"What do you mean?"

"I saw you two fucking kissing each other last week!" His shades are off now and his eyes look like they're glowing.  It's a violent, angry shade of red, and you're past scared right on into terrified-ville. "Not to mention," He continues, stepping closer to you.  "You sneaking into his room at night. I mean, really man, you think i wouldn't notice the door opening and closing?  I _live_ with Bro! I have to be awake at the slightest fucking sound."

You try to respond but he stops you by grabbing your wrist and starting back toward to apartment building, dragging you with him.  When you get there, you see that Bro isn't home. Dave snorts a 'good' and motions towards his room.  You sit on his bed while he paces around the room.

"I didn't mean to make you angry." You offer.

He stops in his tracks and stares at you, still shadeless, and you think you see hurt flash through his eyes.

"I'm not angry with you." He resumes his pacing. "I'm pissed at Bro. I'm sure he found out about my feelings for you, and he couldn't just let me have this one fucking thing. He always has to be better, have everything I want, take things from me."

You sit still and stare at the floor.  You're feeling like shit, in all honesty.  Dave had serious feelings for you and you never noticed.  Did you even bother trying to notice?  Probably not.  Of course, you've fucked something else up.  Isn't there anything you can do right?  You slump lower and continue beating yourself up internally.

You're not sure how long it's been, but you've curled up on Dave's bed and have been listening to him pace and mutter to himself.  You feel the bed dip and then he's laying beside you, close enough you can feel the heat coming from him without him actually touching you. 

He nudges you. "I've sorry for blowing up at you."

You turn over to face him and he looks somewhat defeated.  You feel even worse. All you want is for everyone to be happy. Is that so much to ask?  It must be because you both seem to be miserable.  You try to look him in the eyes and he looks away. You frown and touch his arm to get his attention.  It takes a minute but he finally looks back at you.  When he does, you make a quick decision.  You lean forward and kiss him.  He kisses back instantly, leaning into it and reaching up to rest a hand on your cheek.  What you'd intended as a simple kiss quickly turns into something heavier.  It's full of emotion and you can feel the need coming from Dave's side of it.  He breaks the kiss for a moment to sit up on his knees and you roll onto your back as he straddles you.  He crushes his lips to yours and it hurts for a moment before he mends it with several smaller kisses. His lips trail down your jaw to your neck and then collarbone.  You wriggle under him and gently push him back.  You can feel the desire to keep going building up, but you want to sort the shit in your head out before you go making out with everyone in the apartment.

He slides to the side and lays next to you again. His shades are back, as is his poker face.  You hope it doesn't mean he's closing himself off from you for good.

"I just want time to think about everything, Dave."

He nods and pulls out his phone. You turn over with your back to him.  Your attempts to think about all that's happened so far keep turning negative.  You keep beating yourself up over everything.  You climb off the bed and head to the bathroom. 

The lock has been fixed for a while now and you're very glad about that.  You thank whatever god might be out there that you never took your wallet out of your pants when you came inside.  You pull it out and open it, letting the light reflect off the blades before pulling one out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm a strong believer in that when Strider men decide to show their emotions, they don't hold back. yup.


	16. Chapter 16

You're going to kill him.  Going to tear him apart.  It's gonna be a motherfucking bloodbath.

You run a hand through your hair and scoff at your thoughts.  Okay, so, you're not actually going to kill him.  You don't really want to see him dead again.  But you're definitely going to beat the shit out of him.  There's a slight breeze and you're grateful for it as the sun beats down mercilessly on you.  It's not long before you see Bro coming towards you, sword in hand and a smirk on his face.  He stops a couple yards away from you and stretches lazily.  You know he's just trying to get a rise out of you, but what he doesn't know is, you're already livid.  You skip any small talk he might have and launch yourself at him, both hands gripping the handle of your sword as you raise it, ready to attack as brutally as possible.  He vanishes from your sight and you flash step forward as he appears behind you, sword hitting the roof where you were barely a second before.

It's not long before you're panting and covered in sweat, small nicks, cuts and gashes. The knees of your pants and front of your shirt are shredded from where he kicked you and sent you skidding across the entire roof not once, but four fucking times.  You're still wondering how the hell he managed that.

You straighten up and barely manage to keep from flinching.  Seems some of those cuts are deeper than you thought they were.  Bro is leaning against a wall and staring at you. You can see that he's sweating just as much as you but he's significantly less injured. He starts up another smirk and steps towards you.  You raise your broken sword and widen your stance to brace yourself.   He flash steps forward and you do the same.  Your swords crash together as you block his attack and attempt to push him back.  You keep trying to push him back, putting all your rage into swinging your half of a sword at him over and over until you can feel a burn in your arms.  He blocks each time and it only makes you angrier.  On top of everything else, he's still better than you at strifing.  You allow a frown onto your face as you kick out at his legs to knock him down.  He jumps to the side, dodging easily, and takes your own legs out from under you.  The air is knocked from your lungs as you hit the ground and you lay there for a moment, head reeling and body aching as you try to gather your thoughts to form a better plan of attack.  You jump up, ignore your body screaming at you not to do that.  Bro's standing perfectly still, seemingly as calm as he can be.  You muster as much strength as you can and run at him, aiming to get some sort of wound on him this time.  You're almost right on him when you realize what you're seeing is an after image. The fucker's been flash stepping the entire time.  He appears from your right and his sword finds your side.  Blood splatters him and the ground and he puts his sword away quickly. You fall to your knees, still clutching your sword in your right hand, and using the left to hold your right side.

"Shit, Dave, you were supposed to get out of the way."

He crouches down to inspect the wound and you take it as a chance to attack.  You don't give a shit if it's playing dirty.  That's what you've gotten used to.  You swing your arm out and bring it down to slice at him.  Bro's a lot stronger than he looks and you remember the fact too late. He grabs you by the the wrist and with a quick twist you hear a few small cracks, then pain is flooding up your arm causing you to drop your sword.  It takes everything you have to not scream at him when he lifts you up by the same arm and drops you.  You try kicking him again, and manage to get a couple in before he plants a foot on your calf, threatening to break your leg.

"Stop!"

You jolt into a sitting position and look around. Bro seems frozen but you notice that he's moved his position to a few feet away from you and is looking to your left.  You follow his gaze and see John standing at the doorway to the stairs. He looks like he's about to cry or, judging by the red around his eyes, just finished crying.  You let another small frown form on your face. That's not right.  John isn't supposed to cry.  He's always happy. Nothing ever brings him down.

John is looking between you and Bro like he's not sure who to run to.  You see something flash through his eyes and determination sets on his face.  He starts walking towards you and you struggle to stand up before he reaches you.  It doesn't happen though and he helps you to your feet.  You look over to Bro and give him a look you hope says 'fuck you'.   It must have because he gives you a returning look that says something like, 'Okay, fuck you too?'   and you realize Bro still doesn't know the reason for the strife.  You tighten your arm that's around John's waist. 

"Hey, man, once I'm cleaned up, let's get the fuck down to some intense bro cuddles."  You whisper to him, just loud enough that Bro can hear.  "And then maybe make out a little."

John makes a choking sound and you can see a blush creeping onto his face.

"Let's just focus on getting you patched up, Dave.  You're still bleeding." 

"Yeah, yeah."  You glare back at Bro for a moment.  "It takes more than this to keep me down, though."  He only stares at you blankly so you turn back to John and wink at him.  "I don't know what I'd do if I didn't get at least one kiss from such a fine fucker."

He's obviously thinking about it. You can tell by just how much that cute blush has spread over his face, covering his cheeks and making it's way to the tip of his nose.

"I promise, it'll be legendary, bro.  Way better than anyone you've ever had before.  No one beats Dave Strider when it comes to making out and dishing out the cuddles."

By the time you get to the bathroom to be cleaned up and bandaged, you're sure John is going to catch on fire from how much he's blushing.  You bet that if you took his shirt off his chest and shoulders would be bright red too.  He helps you down to sit on the edge of the bathtub and pulls your shirt up to look at the cut on your side.   When he makes a face and looks up at you before going to get the first aid kit, you feel a bit nervous.  _Is it really that bad?_    Using your uninjured hand, you take your shirt off and see that it is indeed worse than you thought.  It's long and a little deep and is still bleeding a bit.  You realize that when Bro said you were supposed to dodge it, he meant it.  He's never cut you this bad before.  He must only aim to really do damage when he thought you'd avoid it.  _He did fuck up my damn wrist, though._   You wonder what that was about.

John comes back with a box and drops it beside you.  He sets about cleaning the cut and you're hella proud to say you only hissed and flinched a little when he poured peroxide over it.  You watch him as he works and feel a sort of happiness with the way he's taking care of you like this and all. You know it's likely only a friendly thing to do.  He did say he only feels for you the way a moirail would.  You stop yourself before you laugh at how quickly everyone took to using the troll terms for things like that.  You remember a time when you would have never even thought to utter those words other than to mock Karkat and joke with Terezi. 

He sits back after bandaging the wound and looks over the rest of you.

"How's your wrist?"

You hold your arm up and look at it.  Your wrist is swollen and looks like it's starting to bruise.  It hurts to move, though you note that you can just barely move it if you force yourself to.

"Since you can move your hand, I'm going to guess that it's not broken." John hmm's and rummages through the box before pulling out more bandages. "It's probably just a bad sprain.  Well, I hope anyway."  He smiles up at you and motions for you to give him your arm. "I'm sure it's going to be just fine."  He keeps up the smile as he starts bandaging your wrist to keep it immobile so it will heal properly.

He puts the unused gauze and bandages back into the box along with the bottle of peroxide and starts out of the bathroom to put everything up.

"Thanks,"  You tell him before he's completely out the door.

He stops and smiles back at you. "What are friends for?"  He's gone before you can answer, though.

You stand up carefully and scowl down at your shredded clothes.  It's a good thing you weren't wearing something you cared about.  You toss the shirt into the trash and head out to get something to eat.  There's actually food in the cabinets so Bro must have gone shopping.  Nothing really catches your eye though so you give up on the search and go to your room to find clothes that aren't in pieces.  John's in there sitting on your bed and messing with his phone.  He smiles at you when he finally notices you. 

"How are you feeling?  Need any pain medicine?"

"Nah, bro, I'm fine."  You pull out a change of clothes and motion for him to turn around.  He blushes and turns away quickly.  You tug on the clean shirt and, realizing you won't be able to button your jeans, opt for a pair of gym shorts.   "Now, how about those cuddles?"

John turns back to you, the flush on his face growing again.  "You can't move too much!  You want that cut to heal, right?"

You nod once and sit on the bed next to him.  "Y'know, John, cuddles can also mean just laying beside each other." 

You carefully lay back and get comfortable then pat the space beside you with your good hand.  It takes him a few moments of what seems to be debating with himself before he finally crawls over and curls up beside you.  You put your arm around him and let out a soft sigh.  He scoots closer and rests his head gently on your chest and you decide getting the shit beat out of you was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my guardians always put peroxide on my cuts and scratches when i was little. but from what i've learned after looking some stuff up, you're not supposed to do that?? oh well, it's not like John would know without looking it up too. anyways, here's a thing. writing's gotten difficult and i can't figure out why, so i may not update too often. (watch me suddenly get inspired and get out another chapter within the week..) i'm gonna update the tags too. if you feel like anything needs to be tagged, tell me? but yeah, thanks for reading~


	17. Chapter 17

The days have flown by.  You've started wondering just how long it'll be until you've overstayed your welcome.  Honestly, you're expecting them to ask you to leave any day now.  You'd guess that it's been at least two weeks since the Big Fight, and that's kind of a long time. 

It's also been a long time to have to avoid Bro.  You were pretty pissed at him for hurting Dave so badly.  Stupidly, you decided the best way to handle it was just avoid him.  Of course, you'd meant to talk to him about it eventually.  But as the days slipped away you found it harder and harder to even think about approaching him.  You do miss him, though.  Things between you guys seemed to be going pretty swell.  The whole fight then avoidance deal probably messed everything up though. 

You bite your lip and attempt to refocus your attention onto the game Dave's playing.  No point in thinking about all of that right now.  You've got to keep Dave happy.   He scores a massive hit against the character he's fighting and wins the match.  You smile wide and congratulate him when he turns to you, shouting as he asks if you saw.

"Dude, did you fucking see that?" He pumps his fist in the air and bounces a little in his spot.  A week ago you'd be shocked if he did something like this.  You're getting used to it though.  Since you guys had been acting more like a couple, Dave's been opening up a hell of a lot more and revealing how much of a dork he truly is.   The cool kid facade a thing of the past, seemingly.  You know he still keeps it up somewhat around Bro.  That he feels like it'll make Bro proud of him or something.  You think it's a little strange, but you've no room to judge on masks and things.  "I fucking _finally_ beat his ass!" 

He continues his victory dance, shimmying in his spot on the floor.  You slide to the floor behind him and wrap your arms around his waist, careful not to grip too tight and mess up his still healing wound.  He leans his head back onto your shoulder and gives you a look.

"Gettin' all cozy to watch me play, Egbert?"  He smirks.  "Or were you just lookin' for an excuse to touch me?"

You flush and let go of his waist.  He frowns and turns around.

"I was just kidding bro, you can touch me all you fucking want." Dave leans forward, his face dangerously close to yours.  "Like, _goddamn_ it'd be nice if you'd touch me more. Get me all moanin' and pantin' up in here." He puts a hand to his forehead and throws his other arm out to the side dramatically. "Ooh fuck, _Jooohn_!" 

You rush to cover his mouth.  You're blushing badly and dammit, Dave, you're getting a little turned on.  You didn't think he'd actually _moan_ and definitely didn't think he'd do it that loud.  He licks your palm and you pull your hand away.

"That's really gross."  You wipe your hand off on your shorts.

"Shut up, Egbert, at least you know where my tongue's been.  I don't know where your hand's been and I fucking licked it."

"Psh, it's been everywhere." You tease, grinning at him.

"Including your dick?"

"For the most part actually."

"Hot."  He winks and licks his lips.

You laugh and shove him playfully.  He's laughing too.  You stop and watch him, smile still wide.  He really is cute when he's like this.  You wish he'd drop the cool kid act all together, but you guess that's a bit much to ask for at this time.  He's still giggling lightly when he notices you watching him.

"Hey, earth to Egbert, are you there?"  He waves his hand in front of your face and you lean back against the couch.

"What are you talking about?  I've been here the whole time."

"Uh, I dunno, you were pretty spaced out."

You consider telling him that you were just watching him, but you figure it'd sound kinda creepy.  "Okay, fine, I was spaced out."

"Knew it."  Dave laughs a little and flops to the side, pulling you down with him and rolling onto his back. 

You lean over him, moving slowly.  So far so good. He doesn't suspect a thing. You're going to get those damn sunglasses off of him.  Of course, you've seen his eyes before.  The vibrant red.  His only weak point in the facade he used for so many years. You know how insecure he is about them, but you want him to feel at least somewhat safe around you. You continue reaching slowly, making it seem like you're going to put your hand on his cheek.  He looks calm enough, but when you dart to snatch the shades, he grabs your hand and makes a tsk sound. You yelp as he pulls you down so you're half laying on him, chest pressed against his.

"Come on, seriously?"  He tsk's again.  "I thought you would know better than that, Egbert."

"What? I've seen you without them before. I don't see why it's such a big deal." You sit back up, pulling your hand from his grasp.  "You've been opening up so much.."  You trail off when you notice something dark flash through the other side of the room.  You know it's Bro, there's no one else in the apartment.  If he's been here the whole time, though, it would explain Dave not wanting you to take off his sunglasses.

Lil' Cal appears seemingly out of thin air and latches onto you, long felt limbs tangling around you and reaching towards Dave as well.  Dave screeches and is gone in a flash, leaving you alone to untangle yourself from the puppet's grip. You don't know what the hell this puppet's deal is but as soon as you get one of the limbs off and start working on another, the one from before is clinging to you again.

It's been a good three minutes of this. Long enough for you to start to panic.  What if Dave was right?  What if this thing really was alive or something?  You notice Dave watching from around the corner.

"Come help me!"

"No way, bro." He starts shaking his head and backing away. "I'm not getting near that demonic creature."  He vanishes and you let out an exasperated sound.

Seeing as you're not getting out of this mess yourself, there's only one other option you can think of.  Asking Bro for help.  You pause a moment.  Nah, you got this, don't need to call him in here.  Nope, not at all.  Everything is perfectly fine.  You continue struggling and Cal's face gets too close to yours.  You don't know what this thing's capable of and you want him away from your face. Now.  You flail and try harder to pull Cal off of you.  It lets out a loud "HOO HOO HAA HAA HEE HEE HAA"  and you lose it.

"BRO!" You're practically screaming now, "Bro, come help me, please!  PLEASE!" 

You keep trying to pull the puppet away from your face, no longer caring about detaching it limb by limb, but pulling the whole thing with all your strength.  You feel a gust of air as Bro appears behind you and pulls the puppet away with little effort.  He sets Cal on his shoulder as you turn to look at him.

"Was wondering when you were gonna finally talk to me, little man."  He flops onto the couch and picks up a controller to play the game you and Dave forgot about.  "Feels like you're avoiding me or something. 'Course it's cool if you are.  I understand not wanting to hang around someone as awesome as me.  Being afraid of paling in comparison and all."

You're pretty sure he's being sarcastic, but it's Bro.  You never really know with him.  He could just be stroking his own ego.

"I'm sorry."  You start, sitting on the opposite side of the couch.  You figure since he's called you on the avoidance, you might as well explain everything to him. "I was pissed that you hurt Dave that badly.  What even made you do that?"

"Okay, now. The sword wound was an accident.  He didn't get out of the way when I thought he would.  That's kind of a big thing there. Yeah, we beat the shit out of each other all the time. But never, ever, anything really bad intentionally ."  He gives you a quick look from the corner of his eye before returning attention to the game he's still playing.

"Yeah, okay, but what about his wrist?  And when I got up there it looked like you were about to try and crush his leg!" You've turned to face him, clearly upset.

"John, calm down.  This is a case of 'you didn't see everything, thus it was out of context and looked wrong'.  Remember, I just said that we don't intentionally hurt each other very badly?  He was trying to.  That goes against the rules."  He pauses the game and turns to look at you.  You can't see his eyes through his shades and it seems sort of scarier than it really is.  "You don't break those rules.  At all."

His tone sends a shiver up your spine.  It still seems wrong, even with the rest of the story.  You turn back to face the tv screen and think it over while watching as Bro unpauses the game and easily beats the same character it took Dave so long to win against.

"I've been having nightmares, kid."

You look at him, a little confused.  He doesn't look away from the game.

"'Bout the game. 'Bout dying. 'Bout this room and a place that's literally all green."  He keeps his voice level,  you guess so it doesn't bother you or something.  "There's this screen.  I can't ever make out what's being showed on it though.  I can feel it's important, but no matter how much I try, it's still unclear.  I think I'm starting to remember everything I forgot."

You're not sure what to say.  Part of you hoped he would remember, but part of you hoped he never would.  From your standpoint it was a terrible experience and from what your dad has told you, it wasn't pleasant for the guardians either.   It's apparently already started causing Bro to have nightmares.  You hope his won't get as bad as yours are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize for this taking so long. things haven't really been great here, and it's sort of fucked with my productivity. anyway, i don't know what the hell i'm doing with this fic anymore. i'm really tempted to abandon it.   
> as usual, feel free to point out any errors, feed back is appreciated more than you'd think, and thanks for reading.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw for this chapter.

_I'm fucked up._

_Bro is fucked up.  
_

_Dave is fucked up._

_Dad is fucked up._

_Everyone is fucked up._

There's nothing you can do. Nothing but drag cold metal through your flesh and hold up a deteriorating set of masks to cover your flaws.  Nothing else you can do. _Nothing. Nothing. Nothing._   Each repetition of the word digging deeper. Each repetition draining away more and more of your life source.

_I can't do anything!  I can't do anything to help anyone!  I'm so useless.  What's the point of being here if I'm so useless?  Did we win the game for nothing?_

You want it to run dry. You want to see all the pretty red running from your body and onto the floor. All the red. Red as Dave's eyes. Red as the rage that flashes through them. Red as the defeat you see in them when he zones out.

_Red. Red. Red._   _I wish I had stayed dead._

You snap out of the trance like state you were in and the pain is almost too much to bear.  A quick glance down is all it takes to have you grimacing and feeling a slight panic.

You've covered your legs and arms with wounds.  A couple of which are still bleeding freely.  Crimson seeping down your limbs and onto the pristine white floor.  You don't want to move.  You force yourself to move anyway and grab the roll of toilet paper across from you.  Sharp hisses escape as you press wads of the paper against the worst of the cuts and with some, have to peel it away to put more over the wound.

Content with the quick patch up, you let yourself slump against the tub once more.  You let the ache soak through your body and wind it's way through seemingly every nerve ending.  It cements you.  You are here. Practically stuck to the bathroom floor with drying blood.  The pain is telling you that you're alive.  That you're still here, even if you messed up.  It's telling you that no matter what you do, no matter how much suffering you inflict on yourself, you can't escape.

When it takes actual effort to move your leg from the floor due to being coated with dry blood, you realize that you need to clean this up before your father comes home.

You set your teeth against the stinging and haul yourself from the floor. As expected, half the makeshift bandages fall off and the rest are given a fresh coat of red when the deeper cuts reopen.

It doesn't take too horribly long to patch yourself up properly.  Setting aside the remainder of the gauze, you finally look over the bathroom to assess the damage done.  You grimace as you take in the sight. It shouldn't be too difficult to clean. In all honesty, the hard part will be getting your body to keep moving.  All you want is to sleep forever.  Sweet uninterrupted sleep with no traces of nightmares.

You fetch a sponge and cleaner from under the sink and get to work.  The mess is mainly around the tub where you were sitting, but there's a couple of trails where there was enough blood to travel a bit away.  Somewhere in your mind you know that losing so much blood is bad, but you can't bring yourself to care. You're still moving right? You're fine.

Once it's clean with no trace of what happened left, you put away the cleaner and sponge and make your way to your room.  It takes some searching to find clothes loose enough that will still cover everything.  When you finally find some and get them on, it takes everything you have to not fall into bed.  You go to your computer to check pesterchum. Once all the shit happened with Bro remembering everything and getting nightmares, you and he had formed a sort of pact to be there for each other. You'd even traded chumhandles before you left for home.  As far as you knew, you two were the only ones to get the nightmares. But then again, maybe everyone else just didn't want to talk about them so they didn't mention it.

You shrug to yourself and seeing that there's no new messages, log off and head towards your bed.  It takes some time to find a comfortable position that doesn't put too much pressure on the deeper cuts. 

As much as you want to and try, you just can't fall asleep. You're not sure how long you've been laying there, but it must have been a long time.  You hear your dad coming inside and calling a greeting which you'd return, but he wouldn't be able to hear you from upstairs. So you wait.  He worries so much, you know he'll come up to check on you.  And sure enough, after another few minutes, he's knocking on your door. You thank whoever is out there that you're able to lie facing away from the door.

He comes in when you don't answer and sits on the edge of your bed. You feign being asleep when he pats your leg and lets out a sigh.  He doesn't say anything, but you can read the mood.  He's unhappy. Tired and probably as worn as you are.  You feel bad for not talking to him.  But before you can decide on something to say, he's up and out the door, shutting it quietly behind himself.

It feels like there's a weight on you, pressing you into the mattress. Or maybe there's some sort of suction from the mattress itself, pulling you deeper and deeper.  Either way, it feels like you're sinking. It's unsettling, yet you can't help but relax into it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /finally gets a chapter out  
> /chapter is dumb and depressing as fuck  
> /plot progression - maybe 2.7%


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dialogue heavy chapter. gomen.   
> alternately titled: i don't know how to code pesterlogs and it looks way too fucking hard fuck this they're texting instead   
> sorry this took so long to get out

You're woken up abruptly by the sounds of your phone letting you know that you have a text. You grab your glasses from the nightstand and prepare yourself for whatever needed you up at, wait what time is it..? Oh. It's pretty fucking early.  
  
Upon checking, you apparently have many more than just one message and they're all from Dave. You groan after finding the first two to just say "dude". You really hope this isn't a bunch of one word texts. The next one is longer.  
  
"i think somethings wrong with bro" What does he mean by that?  
  
"hes acting really weird john"  
  
"john"  
  
"john seriously this is important"  
  
"hes trying to have a feelings jam and i cant handle that this late at night"  
  
"he just came in my room and said sorry then walked right back out the fuckin door what is going on"  
  
"joooooooohn"  
  
"i guess youre asleep"  
  
No shit, Sherlock. You scowl at the last message, not sure why he thought it was okay to keep texting you through the night like that only to stop when around when you'd be close to waking up. You decide to to text Bro instead and get straight to the source of the problem.  
  
"Hey, Dave's been freaking out. Any ideas why?"  
  
When Bro doesn't reply after a few minutes you set your phone to the side and stretch lazily before standing. A quick glance at the clock tells you it's 7:38 in the morning. Which would explain Bro not replying. It's time for all good Strider men to be passed out in front of various electronics.  
  
You open your door and a glorious smell nearly knocks you right over. You rush downstairs and hear your dad in the kitchen, presumably making breakfast. He turns a little and gives you a smile when he sees you come into the kitchen.  
  
"I'm glad you're up early, John." He keeps his smile as he looks at you for a moment, but you can see the slight dark circles under his eyes that give away how tired he really is. "Could you set the table please?"  
  
You nod and grab a couple of plates and forks and set them on the table.  After a moment Dad turns off the stove and carries the plates full of food to the table. Your mouth is practically watering at the sight of it all.  While you get your share of the food he continues talking to you.  
  
"So, as I said before, I'm glad you're up early." You nod to acknowledge him and he continues, "I've decided that tomorrow will be our start back to school."  
  
You nearly choke on your food and he pats your back a couple of times.  
  
"Already?  It feels like it's too soon.  I mean, come on, we're barely out of August!"  
  
He chuckles and smiles at you warmly. "I thought you'd be reluctant. But, this is your last year and we've got to make it the best one out of all!" He's raises his hands and waves them around as he talks, as if trying to act out just how excited he is.  
  
You grin and laugh a little at how silly your dad looks and he beams when he sees you laughing.  He continues his antics for a little bit longer and stops when he knows they won't be funny anymore.  True master pranksters are always able to tell that sort of thing.  
  
"Today we're going to get school supplies and then groceries, and you're coming with me."  He doesn't look up from his breakfast, but you know he knows the kind of face you're pulling when his lips twitch upwards a little.  
  
Once you both finished eating, Dad cleans off the table, waving you away to get dressed and ready to leave.  
  
You double check that your door is locked then carefully peel off the clothes you'd slept in. Luckily they were dark enough that no blood showed on them.  Though you could feel the stiff dried patches on the inside.  You pull a small box with some gauze and things in it out from under your bed and quickly change your bandages.  None of the wounds open back up when you remove the old ones and you let out a sigh of relief.  
  
A change of clothes later and you're attempting to fix the mess that is your hair.  It's really not that hard to manage most of the time, but it likes to not lay certain ways and stick up in places, seemingly just to spite you.  You sigh and give up finally after trying and failing several times to get this bit near the back to lay flat.  
  
Soon enough you're sitting in the passenger seat of you dad's car on your way to the store.  You glance over the list of supplies your dad had handed you, telling you to look at it and see if he missed anything, even though you know he didn't.   He's very precise about everything.  Especially school.   You're still not sure of all the reasons he home schools you, though.  The few he's given you are about keeping you safe and wanting to spend as much time with you as possible.  
  
You're grateful for his wanting the best for you, and you really love him so you enjoy being around him a lot.  But sometimes, you wonder what it would have been like to grow up going to a public school.  
  
You and Jade had kept up with some studies the best you could while on the ship so you wouldn't have to start high school from scratch.  Well, you did after a long talk and lots of help from Jade and even some from Davesprite. You guys played like you were both finally going to a public school with other kids and it helped make it not so boring.  You'd even had a make-shift prom with imps and salamanders flailing around in their attempts to dance too.  
  
The car stopping pulls you out of your thoughts and you hand the list to your dad.  There's no way you're going to handle that thing, your poor father would have a fit.  
  
Once inside he grabs a cart and takes off, leaving you to scramble and try to catch up.  Damn he's _fast_!   Eventually you find him in the "Back-2-School" aisle.  You scowl at the gaudy sign advertising supplies with pictures of joyous youngsters and too happy teachers.  You think you're so great, don't you wal-mart ad?   'Look how happy these actors are! We payed them just enough to look perfectly content with life but not a penny more!' 

You realize that you're ranting to yourself and make yourself focus on what your dad's saying.

"But if I buy _this_ paper I can save 15 cents.." He sets down one pack of lined paper and picks up another to examine.  "But this one has better quality than the other.."

You grab the one he had said would save money and toss it into the cart causing him to blink and look over at you, clearly startled out of his intense thinking.

"I think this one works best!" You grin as you say it and he smiles back at you before taking a few more packs off the shelf.

You're following your dad around as he searches for something that you honestly don't remember the name of when your phone buzzes in your pocket. You pull it out and it tells you that you have a new text from Bro.

"Hey John.  I think he's spazzing cause I apologized to him."

You glance up before replying to make sure you're still with your dad.

"What did you apologize for? He seemed really upset or something!"

The reply comes almost instantly.

"Treating him the way I did after we got back."

Oh. He did say something once about feeling bad about acting like nothing happened.  Okay, you've got to reply to this..

"Then that's just Dave being Dave! :B  It's good that you apologized to him, though. He probably secretly wasn't happy that you acted like nothing happened."

"Yeah yeah, I know."

You decide to leave it at that, mainly because you can't think of how to reply, when you get another message from Bro.

"So what are you and the geezer up to today?"  Geezer? You're dad is not _that_ old!

"He's not that old Bro!  We're shopping for school supplies."

It's been a little while with no reply so you return the phone to your pocket and move up to walk beside your dad instead of behind him.

"Who was that?"  Your dad keeps his eyes on what's in front of him and when he doesn't glance at you, you know that he's just asking to be conversational.

"It was Bro.  Dave apparently texted me all night flipping out cause Bro apologized to him."

"What was he apologizing for? That doesn't seem like a thing he does too easily." 

"Well, for treating Dave the same way he did before Sburb." You pause, determining how much you want to tell him, before reasoning with yourself that it would be pointless to hide any of it. Your dad was there with him for most of that stuff after all.  "And for acting like none of it ever happened. He started remembering everything that happened in that building you told me about while I was staying there."

Dad looks at you for a moment, almost stopping in the middle of the walkway. "He forgot?"

Your eyes widen as you follow him once he starts walking again. You feel your phone buzzing in your pocket, but you're too worried to check it.  "Uh, yeah. He apparently forgot everything that happened."

"We'll talk about it more later." He looks exhausted suddenly and you feel bad for bringing it up. "For now, let's just get checked out and to the next store."

You nod and pull your phone out as you follow behind him. There's a new message from Bro, two from Dave, and one from Jade. You check the one from Jade first. It's been so long since the two of you talked!

"john hey!! i just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing!"

She always seems so excited about everything, even simple texts. You'll admit it's pretty adorable.

"Hey Jade! I'm doing great! How about you?!"

You check Dave's messages next.

"you reminded bro about starting school"

"i cant believe youd do this to me"

You decide to check Bro's text before responding to Dave.

"Oh, thanks for reminding me. I've got to get that shit started with Dave."

You shoot off a quick message to Bro telling him to not be too hard on poor Dave before responding to said person.

"I'm sorry! We were just talking and I mentioned that I was in the middle of shopping for school supplies!"

You put your phone away and ignore it while you help your dad get the bags into the car.  He asks you to put the cart into the cart corral and you do without _too_ much whining and dragging of your feet.  Once you're on the way to the next store you pull out your phone and check the texts you missed. Nothing back from Dave or Bro but there's another from Jade.

"fantastic! what have you been up to lately :)"

"Not too much, really. I'm out shopping for school stuff with my dad right now!"

"that sounds like a lot of fun!! are you excited for school to start?"

"In some ways I am! But at the same time I have that longing to be free that every teenager probably feels!"

"haha! well im glad you are excited even a little cause i know i would be excited if i was going back to school too!"

Oh yeah, you'd forgotten that Jade chose not to go to school and to live where she did before Sburb.  Something in the back of your mind reminds you that the sprites live on the island with her.

"I'm still jealous you had the choice of not doing school! By the way, say hi to Davesprite for me?"

"he says hi back! and to tell you that 'he thinks you're still a douche but still his friend too'"

You smile at the screen before shoving the phone back in your pocket again.  Your conversation lasted through the next store, and you and your dad are finally heading home.  It would worry you that neither Strider has messaged you back, but you figure that they're probably strifing over when school starts. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: i had to look up what a cart corral is called. we always just called it the thing.


	20. not a chapter

sorry to say, but it seems my muse has checked out. i've been trying to write the next chapter for the past month, but i just haven't been able to. i'm not abandoning the fic because i do want to actually finish it, but i'm putting it on hiatus for now until i'm able to write more for it.   
i know it wasn't that great, but people still read it, and that gives me the drive to try again later. sorry about this.


End file.
